How to masturbate as a woman

It’s helpful to realise first of all that masturbating can actually add to your orgasmic capacity. The more frequently you experience orgasms, the easier they are to have and to have more of.
If you’re pre-orgasmic, and that means you’ve never, or only rarely, experienced an orgasm, you may enjoy and benefit from my book and audio called ‘Achieving Fabulous Orgasms’.
Self stimulation can also boost your level of libido. Often if your level of desire is low, it can be increased by deliberately adding more frequent sex, solo sex that is.

I know that some women say that self stimulation isn’t as deeply satisfying as sex with a loving partner because it doesn’t have the intimacy and closeness. But it is a pleasant and efficient learning experience that can build desire. It also of course adds to your knowledge of what stimulation you do and don’t prefer.
So how do you do it women?
If it’s your very first attempt its probably best you choose a place and time where you won’t be interrupted. Take the phone off the hook, pull the curtains if you want to and do whatever else it takes to make you feel comfortable and make the setting feel erotic.
Perhaps light a candle, some incense and maybe get out the satin sheets. You often don’t need to take all your clothes off to masturbate, but if it’s the first time, please do. And look at your genitals in the mirror and identify the clitoris. It can look like a tiny marble, covered by a hooded skin.
One thing’s for sure, for beginners, stimulating the clitoris is what you need to do to give you an orgasm. You can start really getting in the mood by massaging oil onto your breasts and your arms, consciously alert to what strokes feel good and what don’t. You could read an erotic book or watch a movie or youtube clip while you masturbate.
You should at least think sexy thoughts. Fantasise about past lovers or someone you’d like to have sex with.
Sit or lie in a comfortable position on the bed with your legs relaxed and apart, and when you feel ready, start to explore your genitals with your fingers, rubbing and stroking, applying pressure. It helps to apply a water based lubricant like KY jelly so the area is well lubricated, or at least keep licking your fingers.
If you keep up a steady rhythm with whatever stroke you’ve chosen, after a while pleasurable sensations will build and seem to centre around the clitoris. When you do orgasm you’ll feel an unmistakable surge of pleasure. And your vagina will probably go into a series of wave-like spasms.
Usually direct contact on the clitoris is painful immediately after orgasm, so don’t be alarmed if it hurts and you have to stop continuing to stimulate it.

Women report that there’s four main preferred ways of masturbating.
The first one is nicknamed the ‘masturbation missionary position’. It’s the one we just spoke about where you lay on the bed with your knees up and legs apart. You might like to try pressing the soles of your feet together to increase tension in the groin.
All but 1.8% of women, according to English sexpert Susan Quilliam, use some kind of clitoral stimulation to climax. The middle right hand finger is often the favourite; probably because it feels most natural.
You can experiment with an up and down movement on the clitoris, or do slow circles around the edge of the clitoris if it feels too sensitive.
You could start by stroking lightly, or to rub vertically along the clitoris from bottom to top and back again.
Alternatively you could rub side to side or flick the clitoris the way you would a guitar. You could press your clitoris hard against the pubic bone stroking it at about 1-2 cycles per second to bring more blood into the areas, and as blood fills the clitoris you will experience more sensation, just as a man does when his penis becomes erect.
The clitoris is much more sensitive when it’s engorged and erect, you can feel it standing up and out. And if it’s true the clitoris is some “primeval penis”, it’s when it’s engorged and erect that you can most feel it like a man’s penis must be.
As the clitoris enlarges and fills with blood both sides of it can become more sensitive to touch. Why not use a circular motion on the tip of the clitoris for several minutes and notice the effect on your sensation?
Or you could try grasping the clitoris with your thumb and forefinger, rolling it between the two fingers rapidly and firmly.
You could use your thumb simultaneously to press or retract the hood of the clitoris.
Most women prefer a regular rhythm, though a few stop and start.
You might like to try slow and light, fast and heavy to find the rhythm that you find most pleasurable. Most women maintain the same rhythm right throughout their orgasm, whereas others bring themselves to the brink, then wait a few moments, teasing themselves.
You know, comparatively few women insert things into their vagina for good reason because the clitoris, which is our main orgasm giver, is outside the vagina. However it’s a good idea to include the odd dipping movement of your finger inside the vagina – not just because it feels good, but because it helps transfer your natural lubrication from the vagina to the clitoris. The clitoris very easily gets dry, so you need to keep using lubricant.
Here’s a good warning: for goodness sake don’t reach for a bottle of baby oil; it disturbs the natural pH balance of the vagina and can lead to thrush, and that’s the last thing you need.
The second most favourite masturbatory position for women is rubbing up against something. Instead of applying direct stimulation to the clitoris with your fingers, you rub up against something using the effect of pressure and friction to climax. Most women who masturbate this way lie on their stomach with their genitals pressed firmly into the bed with a pillow or a cushion.
I’ve heard of a woman who likes to thrust up against a rolled up sock.
Another uses the arm of her teddy bear. (Poor teddy! …Or lucky teddy?)
To get the hang of ‘rubbing up’ as masturbation, you might like to remember when you were too young to go all the way but you used to hump up against your boyfriend’s leg.

It’s the same kind of technique. Generally you hold the object still and move against it, rather than the other way around. Although I’ve heard some women like to pull the blanket or sheet through their legs rhythmically. It’s up to you to experiment.
The third most common way women masturbate is to use a vibrator or some kind of dildo. Only 15% of women who masturbate use dildos but the huge majority of us have tried, or even owned, vibrators.
To have an orgasm with a vibrator it requires little effort on our part. All you need to do is hold it firmly against the genital area and most women will climax within minutes.
For this very reason many sex therapists recommend you don’t use a vibrator to masturbate every single time.
You don’t want to get addicted to it, do you?
And it can also be restrictive because you wouldn’t always have it with you.
And also, it doesn’t teach you sexual skills that you can use with your partner.
Having said that, vibrators are a terrific, quick and convenient way to orgasm if you’re tired or if you don’t have much time, and contrary to what the porn industry would have us believe, most women don’t use vibrators inside their vaginas.
I mean, even if you have a penis-shaped vibrator, chances are you’ll use the tip rather than insert it full on.
The most effective vibrators are sold in department stores as body massagers, but you can get great looking erotic vibrators of course in the erotic sex shops.
Positions and techniques with the vibrator are limited only by your imagination. The standard technique is to press it firmly against the closed labia and hold it there, varying the pressure until you orgasm.
Full on direct against the clitoris could be too intense and I’ve heard of some women who have actually burned themselves.
Another technique is to stand with your legs apart, holding the vibrator still in front of your genitals and moving backward and forward grinding against it. It’s also a popular position to use it in a circular motion as well as kneeling on the floor and squatting over it.

For those women who may have become addicted to their vibrator begin this week please, to teach yourself again how to have an orgasm with your hands. You can use the vibrator to arouse yourself and to get close to orgasm then put it down and use your fingers.
A fourth favourite masturbatory technique, or should I say place for to do it, is to do it in the shower. Showers are great because they are so slippery wet and totally private.
Now unless you have a detachable hand-held shower hose you probably won’t actually get to climax in the shower, though lots of women can stimulate themselves while soaping up their genitals to get them in the mood.
But if you do have a hand-held shower try sitting in the bath or kneeling so that your genitals are above the water level, turning the shower to maximum pressure and directing the jet so it runs over the clitoral area.
One word of caution with this technique. It’s fine to use the soap as a lubricant outside the vagina, but don’t push soapy fingers inside because that can lead to an imbalance of flora and fauna and cause nasty thrush.
I’ve also heard of women, lucky enough to have a spa, who have discovered the pleasure of positioning themselves right over a strong jet. They have a smile on their face and no one else understands why.

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